Open Your Eyes
by DragonSoul
Summary: 'Open your eyes Aya. Let me see the shade of live electricity again. Let me lose myself in the power, drown myself in your soul and become so tangled that I'll never be able to leave.' Youji's lost, wondering about things that should be.


Disclaimer: Try to sue me and I'll bite you. Try to charge me with assault for biting you, and I'll bite you again. Get the point yet?  
  
Warnings: Yaoi, Angst, Death, Language  
  
Notes: I was half pissed off for no reason when I wrote this, probably because I had no ideas for Don't Scream, or for Cry. Youji's a bit hysterical. That's my alibi for the incoherence.  
  
Soundtrack: Waking Up Beside You - Stabbing Westward, Losing My Religion - Tori Amos, Waste - Staind  
  
  
  
Open Your Eyes  
  
by DragonSoul  
  
  
  
At night I cling to you I'm so afraid  
  
Afraid the day will come  
  
And I'll wake and find you gone  
  
-Waking Up Beside You, Stabbing Westward  
  
  
  
Who the hell do you think you are, Aya? We almost got fucking killed because of you, and when I'll tell you that, you're going say it was my own god damned problem.  
  
Fuck, Aya, who the hell are you kidding!? You wanted to die out there, didn't you? Didn't you?! You don't even stop to think about how we'll feel, you just charged out there and let them cut you to shreds. You're not the one who had to see Omi cry as he fought to keep you alive, tearing his own coat to shreds in order to make bandages, who had to see Ken carry your motionless body from the compound. You're not the one that had to watch the doctors operate on you, not the one that had to force Omi and Ken to go home and rest, though you were terrified of being alone, terrified of the thought of your death. I was Aya. It was me, not you.  
  
Dammit Aya, why'd you do it? Why did you have to go and do that!? Didn't you know that it woud tear us apart, that it would kill Weiss as surely as if you had shot each and every one of us in the head? Or did you just not care? Heartless bastard, you probably knew and didn't care. But tell me this, how the hell could you do that to Aya-chan? Would you just leave her like that, let her wake up in that hospital all alone? Do you even care?  
  
You know, I can't remember the colour of your eyes? I can't remember that electric hue, the colour of barely confined power. Open your eyes Aya. Let me see the shade of live electricity again. Let me lose myself in the power, drown myself in your soul and become so tangled that I'll never be able to leave. Even if you don't feel the same, even if you don't care, just open your eyes. Open your eyes and let me know that you'll be alright. Dammit Aya, just this once, do something for someone else!  
  
There was so much blood, did you know that Aya? I'll have to get rid of the Seven. I'll never be able to get the blood stains out. I'll never be able to drive it, surrounded by the scent of your blood, reminded of your life bleeding away.  
  
I'm sitting here, in this uncomfortable, ugly, orange plastic chair in the middle of a sanitary waiting room, while your in the operating room with at least ten different doctors and uncountable nurses all fighting to save your life. I don't see why they try. It's evident that you wanted to die. Why try to save your life when all your going to do is go back out on a mission and probably end up with a bullet in the haert, or between your eyes. God, what am I saying? Do I want them to give up, to allow you to die? Do I hate you so much? I surprise myself Aya. You bring out the worst in me, bring out the side of me that cares only for itself, cares only for it's own survival. Are you proud Aya? Are you happy about what you've done to me? Are you laughing Aya? Are you crying? Are you even there? Fuck, I sound like the title of some god damned kids book. Instead of 'Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret,' it's 'Are You There Aya? It's Me, Youji.'  
  
If you were here, you'd be calling me a fool, telling me to shut up. But I can't Aya. I can't shut up. The screaming in my head is so loud and it's hard to ignore. It says that you won't wake up, that you're dead, that you're gone. But I'd know if you were, wouldn't I? Wake up Aya, wake up and tell me that this isn't real. Why won't Omi or Ken come wake me from this nightmare, stay with me until I've calmed down, maybe even stay the night? I feel guilty for that you know, Aya. Disturbing them with my nightmares, my memories of Asuka. They really love each other Aya. It's obvious, isn't it? Or am I seeing things, imagining feelings where there are none. But if I was seeing things, then wouldn't I imagine some kind of affection between us? Wouldn't I pretend that you loved me, pretend that you cared. Is there a heart in that chest Aya? Are you human? I know you bleed, but do you feel? Are you real? Do you exist?  
  
It's getting late Aya. I can barely stay awake. Why are you doing this Aya, why are you making me, making us worry. If you're going to leave, at least wake up Aya, let me say good-bye. I won't ask you to hold on long enough for Omi or Ken, but at least hold on long enough that you won't have to die alone. It's painful Aya, to not have anyone stand by your side as you breath your last. But you'd know that wouldn't you, sitting by your sister's side all those long hours, waiting for her to die. You never beleived that she'd wake up, did you Aya? You stayed with her because you didn't want her to be alone, didn't want to miss her last moments. My eyes are so heavy Aya, they want to close. But I can't fall asleep Aya, not until I see your eyes, not until I tell you good-bye, or until I can be sure that you'll survive. I'm afraid Aya, afraid of never seeing you again. I shouldn't have sent Omi or Ken away, should have kept them here.  
  
I hate you Aya. I hate you so god damned much. Why are putting us through this, why are you making us suffer?! Are we that hateful, do you loathe us that much? You're a cold bastard Aya. I don't know why I care. Just die already Aya, just get it the fuck over with! I hate you Aya, I hate your name, I hate the way you look, I hate you. God, why do I care so much? Why can't I get my mind off you, why won't you wake up, why won't you die? What are you thinking Aya? Are you sad, are you happy? Do you even fucking care!?  
  
I'm laughing now Aya. Laughing so hard the tears are dripping from my chin. I can't breath Aya, and my vision is grey. I think I'm dying Aya, dying as surely as you are. Do you remember Aya, the first time we met? Do you remember waking up in my bed, with your sister's name on your lips. Do you remember the warmth of your skin, the way you smelt, the way your eyes blazed? I can't remember anymore Aya. You're being erased, but I don't want to forget! I won't let you go Aya, I can't, I won't. I won't let myself forget you Aya, I won't let you disappear.It's fucking hilarious Aya, it's so funny I can't think of anything else. Have you ever seen a clown cry Aya, ever seen a paradox? You're one of those Aya, you're something that can never be matched. You're so cold Aya, but my feelings for you are so hot they burn.  
  
Do you remember me Aya? Are you thinking about me, about Ken, about Omi? Are you thinking about your sister Aya, are you even thinking at all? I wouldn't be surprised Aya, if you were thinking about yourself, about all things that you haven't done. You're a monster Aya, one that lures people in with sad stories, then devoures them whole. Am I your prey Aya, was I part of your plan? Was I good enough Aya, would you have lured me in too?  
  
It's almost daylight now Aya, the sun is beginning to rise. It's a new day Aya, the Koneko will be open soon. If I went home, would you be there Aya, would you be tending the shop? Would you be silent as I greeted you, or would you say hello? Why are you so quiet Aya, is your past truly that horrific? Did your parents not love you, or did they simply love you too much? Did they try to control you Aya, or did they give you free reign? Why can't you tell us Aya, don't you trust us? I wish you did Aya, we want to know so badly.  
  
The doctors are coming out now Aya, and I don't want to know. Where are you Aya? Are your eyes open, are you breathing? Will you wake up Aya, or do you lie cold and still? Please tell me Aya, tell me before the doctors do. I want to be held, Aya, I don't want to be alone. Are you leaving, Aya, before I get to say good-bye? Will we have to think of good things to say about you, will we have to decorate your grave? Their scrubs are blood spattered Aya, and I think I'm going to be sick. I don't want to hear their words Aya, I want to be deaf, to be able to not listen, to not hear. I want to sleep Aya, I want to sleep so badly. My eyes are heavy Aya, will you please let me close them? Open your eyes one last time Aya, let me say good- bye. Don't leave me yet Aya, I don't want to be alone. I don't want to love ghosts, let me say it to you before you go.  
  
It's too late now Aya... Why didn't you wait!? Aya, let me say good-bye! Open your eyes Aya!! Part your lips and take a breath! Get up Aya, get up and say my name! Call me a fool Aya, say something! Don't go yet Aya, I don't want to be alone! Why won't you let me say it Aya, are really so afraid!? I love you Aya! I love you so fucking much!! Come back Aya, come back... I'm dying Aya, I'm dying and I'm alone. I'm afraid Aya... Why aren't you here? Why aren't you holding me!? You promised me that I wouldn't be alone, you said I'd never be on my own again! Aya please, call me a fool, at least one more time... Aya... please...  
  
I love you Aya...  
  
Aya...  
  
Good-bye...  
  
~*~  
  
...You know it's bad when I was on the verge of tears, writing this. Yeah, I was. But I was listening to depressing music. Poor Youji. And yeah, I know I forgot commas all over the place. I don't feel like going back to fix it. 


End file.
